Hold on
by jennygiraffadil
Summary: Sirius is breaking. Remus fixes him. It's all just simple in the end. Except it really isn't.


**Title:** Hold on  
**Pairing:** Remus/Sirius  
**Disclaimer: **I wish.  
**Summary:** Sirius is breaking. Remus fixes him. It's all just simple in the end. Except it really isn't.

Remus was doing up the last few buttons on his shirt when Sirius stormed in; bringing the whirlwind of half the world with him. He didn't say anything at first. Neither of them did. Remus continued adjusting his cuffs and fastening his belt, straightening his hair. Sirius flopped straight down on his bed and spelled the curtains closed so hastily the hooks slammed into one another with the full force of a thunderstorm.

James came hurtling up the stairs a few seconds later with Peter on his heels. They both took swift glances at Remus before their eyes fell on the thick red material of Sirius's bed and they frowned.

"Did he say anything?" James asked, all rushed out in one breath. Peter beside him, gasping for air. 

Remus shook his head, "I don't understand," he said softly, "What's wrong with him? Did something happen?"

James and Peter both sighed and shrugged their shoulders absently, "We thought he'd tell you. We haven't a clue either. Shoved his way into the common room with a face that looked like he'd been slapped. So we followed him to see if he really had."

"He wants to be left alone," Remus whispered, "I don't think it'll do him any good though. Sometimes emotions can be a good thing. If we just wait until this passes he might just bottle it all up and never tell us. I think one of us needs to talk to him."

All three of them exchanged glances before eyes ended up settled firmly on Remus.

"Wait," James interrupted, "Wait. You're dressed up."

"Yes." Remus smirked and Peter laughed.

"You --" James stumbled over his thoughts, trying to grab hold of the right one, the thing he'd been told, the moment that just didn't seem to want to --- "You're going out with that Ravenclaw tonight!"

He stuttered into the silence and shook his head, "Well -- I -- that is to say, yes. But I don't know --"

"Right on, mate!" James grinned, patting him on the back with odd furtive glances over his shoulder, "The night our moony becomes a man! We want all the details tomorrow or we'll have to raid Slughorn's stores again for some of that veritaserum otherwise. And we know you don't like it when we do that. So -- we'll leave him alone a bit, let him come around."

"He'll talk when he's ready," Peter added, and smiled.

The two clapped Remus on the back one more time each before heading back down the staircase to the common room. 

He checked his reflection one more time in the mirror as the door slammed closed and he almost jumped as Sirius's voice echoed against the glass.

"This has nothing to do with them," he yelled, securely behind his curtains. Remus could just picture the scowl on his face, "This has nothing to do with you either. And I really don't want to talk about it but it's killing me." 

Remus nodded, biting his lip and pausing for a moment before cautiously approaching Sirius's bed. He stood, watching him through a sliver of a gap in the curtains before gathering his breath and pushing through to sit on the edge of the bed.

"It's okay," he said softly, trying his best not to look at him, "You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want. You don't have to talk about it."

Sirius glanced up from under his eyelashes and his lips pushed up against his nose in a forced snarl. 

"Good. Because I don't want to." he muttered darkly.

"Good." Remus smiled. Except not at all. 

They sat tracing the covers with their eyes, catching patterns in the light and watching as they blurred into shadows as the clouds passed by. Both refusing to look. Remus was getting fidgety. He was supposed to be meeting his date in less than an hour. He only hoped Sirius didn't notice. He didn't even want to really go after this. But it had been Sirius who had gone to the effort of setting them up to begin with. At least partially.

"I'm no longer a Black," Sirius whispered after the longest pause, his heart thuddering against his chest, inside his head. Nothing like the anger pushed through his lips from five minutes ago. This was raw. This was hiding. Remus didn't know what to say to that.

"I got a letter from my mother. I'm no longer to return home at holidays. I have no access to the family fund. She even wants me to pay back everything I took last year. They want nothing to with me anymore." Sirius's voice was so quiet Remus felt the matching heartbeat pounding away inside his own body. Syncing with every sylabble from Sirius's mouth.

"Can -- Can I do anything to help?" he managed to mutter, his hands shaking, his words shaking. He'd always had nothing. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to have everything and lose it all. But he had a feeling it was more about family and heart than mediocre possessions. To Sirius at least. He knew his parents couldn't care less. And it hurt. 

Sirius shifted over to the side, pressing his back against the wall as he looked up and straight into Remus's eyes, "Just -- hold me?" he whispered, chewing on his lip. And something broke inside them both as Remus did all he could to stretch in as little time as possible and wrap Sirius inside the circle of his arms.

His shirt buttons and his hair and his shoes and the apparent date all become nothing in his head as Sirius's fingernails dug into his spine when he shook. Remus placed his lips to his temple and dropped a damp careful kiss where he knew Sirius wouldn't feel it.

"Always," he whispered, "_Always_."


End file.
